new Things I Ate in Cambodia: Desire Oyster Bar: What Did You Do To Them Innocent Bivalves

Sunday, December 13, 2009

Desire Oyster Bar: What Did You Do To Them Innocent Bivalves

Desire Oyster Bar
300 Bourbon St
New Orleans, LA 70130
(504) 586-0300


There are roughly a zillion oyster bars on Bourbon Street, and everyone finds themself slipping into a relationship with a favorite. For me, it is Felix's. The non-oyster related food is terrible and I cannot recall the last time I have ever sat down, but the price is right, the shuckers are convivial, and I can knock a shot of Jager and a dozen raw in relative peace and harmony. These things are important in life, these are what keep me animated and going forward.

Anyhow, I decided to give Desire a shot because I am making a concentrated effort to try as many restaurants as possibly in New Orleans, even when every particle of my being just wants to slip into a relationship with a place and stop my wild-catting around, to extend a metaphor to an uncomfortable degree. So, Desire. It is located within the Royal Sonesta Hotel and is fairly nice inside, with an old-fashioned tile decor and a display of fresh fruit and veg that probably is not actually used in anything. The place does a cracking business via an endless stream of tourists. Watch out on Saturday.



A dozen raw. Yuck. These were not good oysters, and I sort of considered not eating them: a bad oyster is not just a culinary disappointment but potentially deadly, and I didn't need that kind of cramp in my stye. These were undersized and slightly warm. Also, they make your horseradish sauce for you, with enough horseradish to actually kill a horse. As half my enjoyment of oysters stems from producing my own horseradish sauce concotion/debating with my dining companions about merits of said horseradish sauce - this was quite a depressing experience. I have to stop writing about this now or I may begin to cry. I did not get sick from these. Just FYI.



Turtle soup. Okay. Lots of sherry flavor, lots of turtle-meat pieces. Not Commanders Palace status but acceptable enough with some crackers crumbled innit. Very boozy. I would like to see an industrial turtle farm someday. Just for kicks.

We also had boiled shrimp, which I did not photograph. (To use shrimp in the singular form is ugly and I don't like it when you do it). Merely okay. I prefer these suckers with the heads on. Some of us derive a great amount of pleasure from the head, uh, butter. Admittedly this is highly antisocial behavior if one is not eating somewhere in Guangzhou but I do not let that stop me, ever. This could explain my love life. I would, to summarize, eat the shrimp again but only if I had nothing else available. Such as something cooked in Guangzhou.


The Desire Oyster bar warrants a large "bleh," especially because an oyster bar serving mediocre and lukewarm oysters is simply inexcusable. If one does not have a truly superior oyster hookup, one should revise one's business plan. Extensively. Their menu of various other New Orleans specialities may be acceptable, but I doubt I will bother to return anytime soon.

4 comments:

maysweetiez said...

Man! You should have gone to Acme Oyster House in NO in the French Quarter and had the charbroiled oysters........YUM!

Try Hog Island in SF...it's another great find closer to home!

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